What a long, strange journey it has been

Four months of running, eating, [some] sleeping and dreaming about what is to be... It never occurred to me either in considering the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon or after I registered for it, just how much the past few months and next few weeks would change my life. What started as a journey within a journey - the destination of which was as much of an unknown as anything I have ever attempted - now there is the sense that there is nothing I cannot do. And I have yet to run the race.

I have been married to this journey within a journey. Many who have already been fortunate enough to call themselves "marathoners" tried to explain to me just how "married" you become to the idea of a marathon, especially your first. As mine is of some travel distance away, there was first the hotel reservation followed by registering for the race itself. Assembling a training plan was soon followed by a stream of what felt like unconscious thought... more affectionately referred to as self-doubt.

Every training run was a small volume within a much more grand story, every week filled with trials and successes. Sometimes left with more questions than answers.

I sit here on the verge of starting my last big week of training before tapering for my first marathon. Oddly enough, the first thought that crosses my mind is that of sadness.

The mistakes I have made, estimates taken, painfully early/late/rainy/humid running, errant steps planted, the red clay on the carpet... All of it is soon to be a distant memory.

Yes friends, I am addicted to the process of training for a marathon. The known that is the unknown lures me in and is unrelenting in its stranglehold. It is not for the false pretense of thinking I am a Boston Qualifier ("BQ"), rather it is for the challenge issued to the person I see in the mirror every morning... A challenge issued. A challenge accepted.

Quitting would have been easy. I am carrying too much weight, still. There has not been enough time to build an adequate base prior to starting marathon training. I'm tired. It's raining. I'm not feeling it. I just don't want to.

Training for this race, while it has always focused on October 25, 2009, has never really been about the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon. Rather it has been about something far more empowering, to the extent possible.

Going through this process has shown me, in no uncertain terms, that I am capable of doing something grand and filled with variables, being led by little more than my heart and my legs - despite what my mind tells me.

I have said for some time that running is the key to a door. Each of us has a different key and it opens doors unique to each of us. For perhaps the first time in my life, the door that is open is full of opportunity, challenge and hope - three terms which were rarely if ever used together some six years ago.

This is who I am today, and I am proud of that. I could be better. I could be worse. Yet I will apply what I have learned to the next chapter of my life, running and otherwise.

I have no idea where I am going or how I will get there. What I can say, without hesitation, is that training for this marathon has showed me that the impossible is possible, the improbable is probable, and that strength comes in many forms and all of them are your friends.

Be well.