Halfway to somewhere

Everything has a meaning, every word a notion of thought, every thought an emotion. I never really new, with any specificity, to where I have been running for the past 5-plus years. I would argue that I could have equally been running from just as much as running toward. The demons of my part - and arguably still of my present - are my companions on this ride. I am holding on for dear life with a sense of excitement and fright, hope and doubt.

My reasons for taking up running seemed simple enough: I was tired of weighing 350 pounds. At some point or another, that had to end. I just figured running was going to be one more of the feeble attempts to make change for the sake of change. Had I known that I was about to fall in love with something so simple yet, to this day, it continues to amaze me.

Initially, running felt all wrong, like punishment for three decades of self abuse. In reality, it was.

Now, 6+ weeks away from my first full marathon, I am filled with a wealth of emotion. More than anything else, I am proud of the progress I have made over the past 14 weeks. My legs are stronger and I have more endurance than at any other point in my life.

True though, there is something of a sadness lingering. Disappointed I never started running sooner, there is something to be said for this amazing new life I have been given... No, scratch that, EARNED.

I have learned that I can push myself beyond points which I previously thought were my limits. Every stride is an injection of adrenaline. Every foot strike adding beats to my heart and years to my life.

Running, for me, has been the key to a door - a door to a life from which I have kept myself for all my life.

While on a Self Care journey, many will refer to deprivation. Actually, when you are not taking care of yourself, you are depriving yourself of the quality life your mind and body are capable of providing.

Granted, running has not been the solution to all of my problems and I would never intend to imply as much. Rather the key that is running has opened the door. Where I go from here is as much of a question as it has ever been. What I can tell you is that my mind is clearer, my body is strong, my soul is filled with passion, and my heart with love. If this is what it means to live, then my only regret in life is that I did not find the key to this door sooner.

Be well.