Have faith and let go

The training is just about done, the sweat poured and the agonizing complete. Now, there is nothing left to do but to squeeze out just a few more training miles and get up to Arlington, Virginia. There is, of course, that little business about the 26 miles 385 yards to run. Minor details.

The past few days have been very difficult for me, in a number of ways. For me, this is somewhat like my grieving the loss of my uncle before he ever passed away over a year ago. At the risk of sounding odd, this is my pre-race grieving. Over the past 18+ weeks, I have grown attached to the hectic schedule of running more than I ever have in my life, eating clean and focusing on October 25, 2009 on my calendar. With all due deference to my wife, it has been the most important date on my personal calendar since, well, forever. A date that almost wasn't.

My anxiety over the past days comes from a number of sources. Taper madness is the obvious choice, sure, Yet for me, there is more. For so many years, I expected and demanded so little of myself in terms of effort. I never asked anything of myself and so, as a direct result, I was never disappointed in what I received.

My how things have changed.

Now, I demand more. More than perhaps I could have ever imagined as witnessed by my prognostications of future marathons and improved times - an improved finishing time from a marathon I have yet to run. I have to chuckle when I read that.

Yes, things are vastly different. Not only have I achieved the unthinkable of making it through marathon training, but I continue to raise the bar ever so much higher. For me, that is how it works. That is how I strive. That is how I survive.

Having that series of goals keeps my mind focused forward all the while taking in the lessons learned from prior experiences. I am not perfect nor am I expecting as much. When I first considered training for a marathon, my primary goal was to learn as much as I could about myself and how I relate to my running, my mind, and my body. Mission accomplished.

There is nothing left now but 35,000 of my closest friends, 10 days from now, and running the run of a lifetime... for now. The finish line for the Marine Corps Marathon is not the end for me. This much I know right now. Rather it is the beginning. The door is open to places and goals the likes of which I never knew existed, let alone considered.

My biggest challenge between now and October 25th is simple. Having faith in the training I have done, relaxing and just letting go have not been easy. But it has to happen, for my own sanity and, likely for those around me. Yet at this point, it is all about me. All I can say is: Wow.