Why do we want that which we do not have?

I have seen it for years... People seemingly with everything compared to my presumably nothing. Someone else is skinner, did it easier, did not struggle as much as I did, or fail as much as I failed. Surely they must also be happier than me as a result of that. Maybe. Maybe not.

Obviously though, the grass is not always greener. Ease in one's pursuit should not imply happiness. If I have said it once, I have said it too many times... A large part of the reward is in the toil and effort put into your journey.

Yet why still am I almost always intrigued by those who take a different path on their journey (i.e. an easier path or, better, one of less resistance)?

My prior life (and, I would argue, partial current life) of self-deprecation, self-abuse, self-neglect - perhaps better, ignorance - has made me into the person I am today, for better or for worse is up for discussion. But the desire for the easy way out, which referring to it that way is perhaps presumptuous on my part, is nothing more than to short change myself on that which will truly right the wrongs of my past work. To not struggle, to not put forth all of the effort I have to make myself right or, perhaps a better word is "better", through self-care really is to eliminate perhaps the biggest prize of them all - knowing that it was earned and not given, achieved by effort, and the understanding of all that went into it.

Perhaps I am making excuses for the willful desire to torture myself with this long, drawn out process. Just perhaps. But I still believe there is something more there to be had. What I have is truly mine. Granted, I am not to where I want to be just yet. Yet I think as time goes on I will be less attracted to the shiny, packaged alternative of an easier way compared to the lessons I have learned/am learning. My appreciation and respect for this process, for my own self-care, to understand the effort that went in to get me to where I am now and where I want to be down the road, will only go to further strengthen my resolve to ensure that I will never be that way again.