Perfection

"Perfect", much like "love", is a term that is tossed about in society with the most painful of ease. For anyone who has spent the better part of his or her natural life as obese, "perfect" can mean many things. Look in the print media and on television, listen to radio advertisements, and perfection is seemingly everywhere. Cosmetic surgeries are shown and promoted in ways that are, for want of a better word, are unhealthy.

When I think of this self-care plan I have adopted, being perfect is such a strange thing to consider. As a life-long obese individual, I have been bombarded with ideologies as to the alleged right and wrong ways to be healthier and lose weight. The "perfect" ways. I see a person on television, working out for three hours a day and eating 1,200 calories every day and dropping 10 pounds per week and I cannot help but say - "Hey, why can't that be me?" Is any of that reasonable to a rational person? No, probably not. This whole mind set just really permeates my brain and soul. What's worse, it does not help with my all-or-nothing character flaw.

We as reforming obese people tend to set goals for ourselves that are out of reach. Why? Speaking from personal experience, it allows me to have something on which I can fall back. Not achieving my goals, however unfortunate, is something to which I have become rather accustomed.

I used to feel I had to be perfect in every way of my self-care plan, otherwise I was a complete failure. I had to eat only the right things, at all times. I had to exercise every day I was supposed to, whether I felt it or not. If I did not, I was "off the program" or "a failure". It took me a long time to figure this out, but that is just not true.

Many philosophers have said you can lose the battles but still win the war. I think this is true, but with a minor change. I do not have to win every battle in the process of my self-care plan. If I can win most of the battles - if I run when I know I should and rest when I know I should - if I eat the way my body will appreciate and make me healthier - if I can keep a positive mental attitude throughout this journey - if I can enjoy the journey and not ignore the joy and special feelings that come along with internal and external change - if I can do these things, more often than not, I will win this war.

This too is not an easy journey. This self-care plan of mine is a work in progress. Every day that goes by I learn a little bit more not only about my journey but about myself, what I have achieved and what it means to me, and how I need to go forward.

It is hard for me to say that I am proud of what I have accomplished, despite having lost 100 pounds to date. Despite winning more battles than I have lost, my personal war is far from over. Will it ever end? Probably not. Even when I reach my ultimate goal, that is when the true challenge begins.

I will continue to work hard. I will continue to be mindful of my body, what it needs, and what it doesn't. I will continue to fear slipping back into the darkness of my past. I will continue to tweak my self-care plan, as everyone should, to make it the best possible self-care plan for me.

What works for one may not work for others. While certain reality shows seem to swear up and down that their "healthier" way of life is the only way to go, I am not so quick to completely abolish it from my mind's eye. There is always something that can be taken from these bastardizations of society. Hard work, effort, and the emphasis on the emotional and physical changes that come along with this journey are things that are far too often forgotten about in this world of "wait, I only lost one pound!"

This too shall pass.