Progress Report: 27 August 2009

Well, I guess it has been a while...

Really, so much is going on right now, it is difficult for me to keep my mind straight and my body upright. My latest couch-to-5K group is progressing extremely well. I could not be more proud of them, their drive and determination, and ability to see past any challenge placed before them. I can only hope THEY soon see the entirety of strength they have in themselves.

Marathon training, from a physical perspective, is going well. I am getting in my miles and, to date, my legs are still attached. Amazing. I am filled with emotions that drag my mind all over the place and back again. There is still some lingering doubt about my sheer ability to cover the 26.2 mile distance. I know I will really start to feel the anxiety next week as I gear up for an 18-mile long run on Saturday. Yet for all of the trepidation, I am still resolute, perhaps more so than ever. While I have never before trained for or participated in a marathon, there is something paradoxically alluring about this whole process. Even though I am beating my body down with training, I know I am likely in the best cardiovascular and respiratory shape of my life. I marvel that I am running over 30 miles per week - a number that will continue to increase for another 5 weeks or so.

Yet it was a few days ago that I was taken back and, for me amazingly, speechless. My mom was nice enough to send me some "before" pictures. Now, past pictures for some may not be a big deal. For me, it is a swell of emotion, mostly anger. Staring at the images from 2000 and 2001, I have no idea who that person was. No clue. I knew I had issues. Plenty of issues. I guess I just never knew how bad things had gotten. In something of an odd twist, I took pity on the person in those photographs. He was not living his life. Rather, he was waiting for life to expire, perhaps to take him out of the daily mental and physical misery from which he suffered.

Seeing those images, knowing that person started running, at that size, makes me appreciate so much how far I have progressed.

But I digress...

Marathon training is moving along. My right hamstring is still an issue. Nevertheless, I am still chugging along. I have often considered what I will do when the actual marathon is over and I cross the finish line. Sure, there is the space blanket, the medal, re-hydration and something resembling solid food. Contemplating the emotions that will engulf me at that point is easy yet difficult.

Some times, when you achieve something great (i.e. something which you never previously attempted or never thought possible), you have clearly set the bench mark for even bigger and better things. The further I get outside of my comfort zone, the closer I get to my goals. The unknown, for lack of a better word, is the fuel that propels me on this journey.

Where I will go from here, I have no idea. What I do know, however, is that once I come down a bit from the marathon rush, there will be something else out there. More challenges await. This is what happens when you live your life knowing that you are often capable of doing anything that conventional wisdom says you cannot. Two eyes, looking forward...

We Will Stumble

Granted, it took me stumbling over an uneven portion of sidewalk to remember this, but sometimes that is how we are reminded of our true selves. It was earlier this morning, in the faint, anticipatory glow of the morning's sunrise, that I was reminded of something that is often forgotten yet very important - we are fallible. We will stumble. It is a foregone conclusion. How frequently and to what degree remains to be seen. The key however is what we do when we fall.

We are obviously imperfect beings. Speaking for myself, I am far from the perfect husband, son, employee, friend, coach, whatever. It can often be unsettling to know that no matter how much effort is involved, perfection is unattainable. Just remember, you do not stumble because you are not trying - you stumble because you ARE trying. The key however is what we do when we fall.

This is obviously not relegated to only running. We can stumble in everyday life in any number of ways. Ask me, and I will tell you all of the ways I bring this to fruition. It is a natural reaction to employ self-pity or even a fatalistic attitude when this happens. After all, if we were meant to achieve something, we would not ever falter in our attempts, right?

Life is a very long and arduous journey filled with peaks and valleys. Embrace the fact that perfection is unattainable and focus your mind, heart, and body on being the absolute best person possible. Your focus on being the best YOU will make your journey that much more memorable and you can spend more time being proud of what you are instead of down on that which you are not. Know that regardless of your intentions and your ultimate goal, you will stumble and you may even fall. Always remember that, when you fall, make sure you end up facing up, because if you can look up, you can get up.

Be well.