It is interesting, to say the least, to even try to begin to reflect on some of the inflection I have been able to do during runs. This was never more true than this morning - a balmy 35 degrees in downtown Greenville. No worries. A pair of long sleeve shirts, shorts, and my running shoes were all I needed today. Skip on the mp3 player today, though.
This journey - it still amazes me. I learn so much about myself almost daily. Today I learned perhaps my most valuable lesson, yet it is something I have known for a long time. These things I know to be true: I need to take care of myself as no one can better operate my self-care plan than me; I need to take care of my body, inside and out; and I need to ensure that this body in motion continues to stay in motion.
The final lesson learned during the brisk run this morning? There is no finish line.
07 December 2007
14 October 2007
This is still a process, after all...
Quite this journey this is... It is safe to say, I learn something new about myself every day that goes by. I have done well over the past few months tracking everything I have consumed in an effort to not only remain accountable, but also to make sure I am fueling myself well for my runs. Well as time went on, suddenly tracking my food was passe'... In the grand scheme, I have not been doing poorly. But I have not been doing as well as I should be in my Self Care Plan.
The lesson to be learned here? There is no "-ed" in my vocabulary when it comes to the words "reform" and "rehabilitate". I am an obese person. My efforts over the past couple of years may not really reflect it, but that is who I am. While I have worked very hard to lose, at this time, about 120 pounds, I know just how quickly it can all slip away. Granted, not at one sitting, nor during one weekend.
I am a creature of habit, whether the habits are good or otherwise. When I am making good decisions in my life, I can catch all kinds of momentum on this joyous ride of mine. When mistakes are made, I know it, and as so many of us tend to do, defeat myself over and over again for these mistakes.
The key to maintaining one's Self-Care Plan is NOT to win every single battle with which we are faced. There are so many challenges that lie ahead, whether they are eating questions during social situations or lying in bed trying to decide whether get up a little earlier to get in that much needed exercise. These battles are everywhere and will never cease.
No, the key to success is not being perfect or even trying to be perfect. Rather my goal is to win more battles than I lose. Life is life. It is not clear-cut, nor does it always go the way I would like. If it did, I would be able to control what I eat, drink, and do at all times. Generally, I do my best to accomplish that very thing. Other times, it is easier said than done.
Why the diatribe, I have no idea... Jut clearing out the proverbial desk drawer in my mind, I guess. It's funny, even when you think you have the drawer completely cleaned out, there are always little crevices remaining that are often difficult to reach and get into.
Back to reality... After a week or two of some lower leg issues, I am feeling healthy and strong. I may, depending on how things go, give another shot to a fourth running day this week. Staying off the dreadmill is crucial for me. I would sooner have my finger nails plucked off one at a time than be caught dead on the ol' hamster wheel as much as I was on there for a while.
I am going to be working hard on this blog to get it up to date with things that are important to me, so stay tuned...
Be well.
The lesson to be learned here? There is no "-ed" in my vocabulary when it comes to the words "reform" and "rehabilitate". I am an obese person. My efforts over the past couple of years may not really reflect it, but that is who I am. While I have worked very hard to lose, at this time, about 120 pounds, I know just how quickly it can all slip away. Granted, not at one sitting, nor during one weekend.
I am a creature of habit, whether the habits are good or otherwise. When I am making good decisions in my life, I can catch all kinds of momentum on this joyous ride of mine. When mistakes are made, I know it, and as so many of us tend to do, defeat myself over and over again for these mistakes.
The key to maintaining one's Self-Care Plan is NOT to win every single battle with which we are faced. There are so many challenges that lie ahead, whether they are eating questions during social situations or lying in bed trying to decide whether get up a little earlier to get in that much needed exercise. These battles are everywhere and will never cease.
No, the key to success is not being perfect or even trying to be perfect. Rather my goal is to win more battles than I lose. Life is life. It is not clear-cut, nor does it always go the way I would like. If it did, I would be able to control what I eat, drink, and do at all times. Generally, I do my best to accomplish that very thing. Other times, it is easier said than done.
Why the diatribe, I have no idea... Jut clearing out the proverbial desk drawer in my mind, I guess. It's funny, even when you think you have the drawer completely cleaned out, there are always little crevices remaining that are often difficult to reach and get into.
Back to reality... After a week or two of some lower leg issues, I am feeling healthy and strong. I may, depending on how things go, give another shot to a fourth running day this week. Staying off the dreadmill is crucial for me. I would sooner have my finger nails plucked off one at a time than be caught dead on the ol' hamster wheel as much as I was on there for a while.
I am going to be working hard on this blog to get it up to date with things that are important to me, so stay tuned...
Be well.
17 August 2007
Enjoy the Ride
All throughout this process - this journey of ours - we have to learn to take the time to enjoy the little things. No matter how stressful this journey may be, it is critical to our success to "smell the roses". So often it is difficult to imagine enjoying the process of losing weight. It used to amaze me to no end when I would attend meetings to see and hear the frustrations of those who were not satisfied with their results for the week. Some will lose weight weekly while others will gain and yet others will neither lose nor gain.
To hear someone say "I cannot believe I only lost [insert number of your choosing here] pounds!" Frustrating is really not the most accurate word, rather it was more irksome. After time however, it was clear to me that those individuals were not enjoying themselves. That realization was huge for me. This journey of ours undoubtedly will lead to changes in our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, and also in our ways of thinking. If we take the time to open our eyes to all of the changes taking place - to the evolution of our whole person - we will develop a greater appreciation for that which is occurring. It will mean so much more to us. It will be tangible and palpable. This new understanding will aide us in the ever challenging emotional aspects of dealing with the evolution of our persons that out respective self-care plans have afforded us.
These are not unfortunate changes, as some on the outside may feel. Sure, our personalities may change. Our usual behaviors and character traits may adjust slightly - or more than slightly. But our self-care plans are quick to show us that we have really been ignoring life. I know I did.
Life essentially just dragged me along for the ride. For 32-plus years, I was a comatose, submissive passenger on a trip to nowhere in particular. I felt as if I had no control over my life. It was true. I didn't. Enjoying life, for me, was too a process. Misery is no longer something which follows me around like a whiff of cologne. I want to be more active. I want to fuel my body the right way. I want to do all of the things I previously thought were ridiculous or unnecessary. Yes, there was a point when I weighed 335 pounds when I actually felt as if I did not need to lose weight. Why? It was the easy way out.
After I started my journey of one thousand steps, it took me a long time to realize that I had better enjoy the ride. Otherwise I was destined to be rejoined by those miserable feelings of my past. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I am not handsome and turn shy when folks say as much. I still have a bunch to work on, and I am still 30-some pounds away from where I want to be. But I will get there. I respect my body and my life too much not to. And throughout the entire rest of this journey - one that will undoubtedly last the rest of my life when considering the maintenance of my work - I will enjoy every step along the way. I will enjoy the ride.
To hear someone say "I cannot believe I only lost [insert number of your choosing here] pounds!" Frustrating is really not the most accurate word, rather it was more irksome. After time however, it was clear to me that those individuals were not enjoying themselves. That realization was huge for me. This journey of ours undoubtedly will lead to changes in our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, and also in our ways of thinking. If we take the time to open our eyes to all of the changes taking place - to the evolution of our whole person - we will develop a greater appreciation for that which is occurring. It will mean so much more to us. It will be tangible and palpable. This new understanding will aide us in the ever challenging emotional aspects of dealing with the evolution of our persons that out respective self-care plans have afforded us.
These are not unfortunate changes, as some on the outside may feel. Sure, our personalities may change. Our usual behaviors and character traits may adjust slightly - or more than slightly. But our self-care plans are quick to show us that we have really been ignoring life. I know I did.
Life essentially just dragged me along for the ride. For 32-plus years, I was a comatose, submissive passenger on a trip to nowhere in particular. I felt as if I had no control over my life. It was true. I didn't. Enjoying life, for me, was too a process. Misery is no longer something which follows me around like a whiff of cologne. I want to be more active. I want to fuel my body the right way. I want to do all of the things I previously thought were ridiculous or unnecessary. Yes, there was a point when I weighed 335 pounds when I actually felt as if I did not need to lose weight. Why? It was the easy way out.
After I started my journey of one thousand steps, it took me a long time to realize that I had better enjoy the ride. Otherwise I was destined to be rejoined by those miserable feelings of my past. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I am not handsome and turn shy when folks say as much. I still have a bunch to work on, and I am still 30-some pounds away from where I want to be. But I will get there. I respect my body and my life too much not to. And throughout the entire rest of this journey - one that will undoubtedly last the rest of my life when considering the maintenance of my work - I will enjoy every step along the way. I will enjoy the ride.
16 August 2007
Perfection
"Perfect", much like "love", is a term that is tossed about in society with the most painful of ease. For anyone who has spent the better part of his or her natural life as obese, "perfect" can mean many things. Look in the print media and on television, listen to radio advertisements, and perfection is seemingly everywhere. Cosmetic surgeries are shown and promoted in ways that are, for want of a better word, are unhealthy.
When I think of this self-care plan I have adopted, being perfect is such a strange thing to consider. As a life-long obese individual, I have been bombarded with ideologies as to the alleged right and wrong ways to be healthier and lose weight. The "perfect" ways. I see a person on television, working out for three hours a day and eating 1,200 calories every day and dropping 10 pounds per week and I cannot help but say - "Hey, why can't that be me?" Is any of that reasonable to a rational person? No, probably not. This whole mind set just really permeates my brain and soul. What's worse, it does not help with my all-or-nothing character flaw.
We as reforming obese people tend to set goals for ourselves that are out of reach. Why? Speaking from personal experience, it allows me to have something on which I can fall back. Not achieving my goals, however unfortunate, is something to which I have become rather accustomed.
I used to feel I had to be perfect in every way of my self-care plan, otherwise I was a complete failure. I had to eat only the right things, at all times. I had to exercise every day I was supposed to, whether I felt it or not. If I did not, I was "off the program" or "a failure". It took me a long time to figure this out, but that is just not true.
Many philosophers have said you can lose the battles but still win the war. I think this is true, but with a minor change. I do not have to win every battle in the process of my self-care plan. If I can win most of the battles - if I run when I know I should and rest when I know I should - if I eat the way my body will appreciate and make me healthier - if I can keep a positive mental attitude throughout this journey - if I can enjoy the journey and not ignore the joy and special feelings that come along with internal and external change - if I can do these things, more often than not, I will win this war.
This too is not an easy journey. This self-care plan of mine is a work in progress. Every day that goes by I learn a little bit more not only about my journey but about myself, what I have achieved and what it means to me, and how I need to go forward.
It is hard for me to say that I am proud of what I have accomplished, despite having lost 100 pounds to date. Despite winning more battles than I have lost, my personal war is far from over. Will it ever end? Probably not. Even when I reach my ultimate goal, that is when the true challenge begins.
I will continue to work hard. I will continue to be mindful of my body, what it needs, and what it doesn't. I will continue to fear slipping back into the darkness of my past. I will continue to tweak my self-care plan, as everyone should, to make it the best possible self-care plan for me.
What works for one may not work for others. While certain reality shows seem to swear up and down that their "healthier" way of life is the only way to go, I am not so quick to completely abolish it from my mind's eye. There is always something that can be taken from these bastardizations of society. Hard work, effort, and the emphasis on the emotional and physical changes that come along with this journey are things that are far too often forgotten about in this world of "wait, I only lost one pound!"
This too shall pass.
When I think of this self-care plan I have adopted, being perfect is such a strange thing to consider. As a life-long obese individual, I have been bombarded with ideologies as to the alleged right and wrong ways to be healthier and lose weight. The "perfect" ways. I see a person on television, working out for three hours a day and eating 1,200 calories every day and dropping 10 pounds per week and I cannot help but say - "Hey, why can't that be me?" Is any of that reasonable to a rational person? No, probably not. This whole mind set just really permeates my brain and soul. What's worse, it does not help with my all-or-nothing character flaw.
We as reforming obese people tend to set goals for ourselves that are out of reach. Why? Speaking from personal experience, it allows me to have something on which I can fall back. Not achieving my goals, however unfortunate, is something to which I have become rather accustomed.
I used to feel I had to be perfect in every way of my self-care plan, otherwise I was a complete failure. I had to eat only the right things, at all times. I had to exercise every day I was supposed to, whether I felt it or not. If I did not, I was "off the program" or "a failure". It took me a long time to figure this out, but that is just not true.
Many philosophers have said you can lose the battles but still win the war. I think this is true, but with a minor change. I do not have to win every battle in the process of my self-care plan. If I can win most of the battles - if I run when I know I should and rest when I know I should - if I eat the way my body will appreciate and make me healthier - if I can keep a positive mental attitude throughout this journey - if I can enjoy the journey and not ignore the joy and special feelings that come along with internal and external change - if I can do these things, more often than not, I will win this war.
This too is not an easy journey. This self-care plan of mine is a work in progress. Every day that goes by I learn a little bit more not only about my journey but about myself, what I have achieved and what it means to me, and how I need to go forward.
It is hard for me to say that I am proud of what I have accomplished, despite having lost 100 pounds to date. Despite winning more battles than I have lost, my personal war is far from over. Will it ever end? Probably not. Even when I reach my ultimate goal, that is when the true challenge begins.
I will continue to work hard. I will continue to be mindful of my body, what it needs, and what it doesn't. I will continue to fear slipping back into the darkness of my past. I will continue to tweak my self-care plan, as everyone should, to make it the best possible self-care plan for me.
What works for one may not work for others. While certain reality shows seem to swear up and down that their "healthier" way of life is the only way to go, I am not so quick to completely abolish it from my mind's eye. There is always something that can be taken from these bastardizations of society. Hard work, effort, and the emphasis on the emotional and physical changes that come along with this journey are things that are far too often forgotten about in this world of "wait, I only lost one pound!"
This too shall pass.
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About Me
- Dan
- NJ, United States
- A former 355-pound man, Dan has continued his journey, complete with ups and downs, and has begun to devote his life to helping others through their journeys.
